Can Purell be used as lube?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
