I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
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