I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
