If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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