It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
