Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
