I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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