My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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