nut hugger
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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