I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
