you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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