He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Randomize
