Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize