She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
