if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
