I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
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