I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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