i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
