i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
