we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
