I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
