Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
