This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
