i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
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Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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