I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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