Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i just google imaged poop.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
