okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
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How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
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I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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