At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
