im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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