Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
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You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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