Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
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All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
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Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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