it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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