We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
