i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
