no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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