i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
