he tried to breastfeed my turtle
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
