Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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