You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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