Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
