bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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