Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
