At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
