when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
