actually, I'm a sock model
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
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