HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
