ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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