she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
