Say something about gay babies.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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