Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Of course I have a pirate flag
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
