We won't sleep together?
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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