at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
