I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
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