So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
