i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
