Umm I'm too high to move.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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