New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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