if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize