It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize