So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
