people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
