my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize